Confessions of a Reformed Sinner

In every month of 2013, I have encountered a different challenge that seems to shake up every part of my thinking and way of living. It is almost as if I am in a perpetual cycle of a snow globe- every time the snow settles and I find peace, my whole world gets shaken again. Every month I fail to completely trust the Lord, our God, who is the creator of everything and has handcrafted every moment of my life.  It seems quite silly that I would accept that God is the Almighty One, yet I continue to fail in the seemingly simple task of obedience.

Doubt- (n.) a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction; (v.) to feel uncertain about

It’s not that I am skeptic of the intricacies of God’s endless power. I have no doubt in that arena. The doubt comes from within myself and I lack conviction that anything of what I do is actually making an influence on anything.  It’s the timeless pondering question of “What am I doing?” and “Do I really matter?”  I suppose I lack conviction that what I do and who I am truly matters.

I have recently accepted my identity as a child of the One True King and some of the confusion starts to receive clarity.  The enemy is once again after me because I choose to be obedient to God and not fall into the devilish traps.

So, what do confessions, snow globes, doubt, and Satan have to do with anything?

Well, I’ve realized that every test God gives me, I try in earnest to abide in Him and seek submission to Him.  I confess that I struggle every part of the way. Sometimes I feel so weakened by the enemy that I have to pray to God to get me through just the next step. I’ve literally prayed, “Lord, help me to put one foot in front of the other because all I want is to walk toward you.” At times I doubt that I am actually going anywhere, but I get through the week and make it to church on Saturday or Sunday and I am renewed.  God vanquishes my doubt by sending tenderhearted people with kind words or a song during worship or one of Pastor Shaun’s messages to fill me back up.

Philippians 4:13

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

On the very first day of August God placed on my heart a new challenge. A challenge that is bigger than myself and it is something that I am absolutely terrified to attempt.  However, this life is not about me or how I feel. I must obey and obviously, God will see me through.

Romans 5: 3-4

“And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance character, and character, hope.”

Isaiah 30:21

“Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” whenever you turn to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left.”

Here’s a beautiful reminder in the form of a song that my old youth choir once sang:

God Will Make A Way

by Don Moen

God will make a way

Where there seems to be no way

He works in ways we cannot see

He will make a way for me

He will be my guide

Hold me closely to His side

With love and strength for each new day

He will make a way


4 thoughts on “Confessions of a Reformed Sinner

  1. Hi Laura, I’m so excited to see your walk with Jesus and how much you are growing. Just don’t ever give up. We have not been promised that it will be easy, but that He will be with us each step of the way. Just keep your eyes fixed on Him. Love and miss you, Ginger

  2. I am also very proud of the young lady you are becoming! You continue to STRIVE toward the goal. Sometimes we stumble, but we get back up again, and God honors that! ❤

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